Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Wild Animal Edition

Bears killed and ate a monkey in a zoo on Sunday in the Netherlands, jest in time for visitors to witness the carnage and be traumatized forever.

The first wild grizzly bear/polar bear hybrid is found in Canada. Any word yet on the gorilla-shark mutant of the Discovery Channel's dreams?

Alligators killed three women in Florida this week; previously, there had only been seventeen confirmed deadly gator attacks in the state since 1948.
A British website's report on the same story features the headline "Florida rocked by alligator attacks." This could also work as a perfect lead-in for a review of a really kick-ass Cajun music festival. In this article, an exasperated trapper laments, "We can't just keep developing wetlands for homes and shopping centres and then wonder why we are up to our ears in alligators." I don't know about you, but, every time an alligator is closing in tight for a nibble on the old earlobes, I inevitably find myself wondering, "why am I up to my ears in alligators?"

And, only lethal to my sense of cynicism: hamster tongues.

1 comment:

Mikow said...

Those tricks were bitch-ass pussies.

Check out this 74 year old thug chica who beat her alligator off with a GARDEN HOSE.