Sunday, June 03, 2007

"Enough With This Cicada Bullshit"

From the brilliant and twisted mind of Dr. Benji Kelnardo, a few thoughts on cicadas:

This has to stop. Every single fucking day I turn on the news and some jackass from Schaumburg is fryin' up a pan of the little fuckers or covering them in chocolate and arranging them on a silver platter. People keep sending in pictures of cicadas doing all sorts of gross things. They are making cakes in the form of cicadas and finding dead ones and dressing them up like a rock band and then freezing them (seen on channel 5, worth checking the website). They have made their appearance in Crown Point and buzz and hum all day long (this is actually kinda neat, it echoes through the whole neighborhood). However, they are so fucking hideous I don't even know where to begin. This is some biblical shit. They are big, ugly, stupid creatures that fly haphazardly into windows, screens, cars, etc. And they shed their exoskeletons. Um, just in case you didn't get that the first time--"they shed their exoskeletons." And they leave them wherever they feel like, driveways, bushes, porches. Yuck. And, matters got much worse today and yesterday as the filthy fucking sea-chickens discovered them. It looks like our neighborhood is a beach or the Southlake Mall parking lot, covered in the flying rats as they peck at the ground and fight each other for the creatures. It is Mother Nature at her ugliest. This sea-chicken phenomenon is apparently happening all over the area according to the
news. That's some sick shit. Fuck them. All of them.


3 comments:

Michael said...

Testify.

Chris C. said...

I been in Schaumburg for the last two days and I still ain't seen a gd cicada. Or one in the city for that matter. Lies, all a bunch of lies.

Megan said...

I love cicadas. In second grade, I took a box of their exoskeletons for show and tell.

And that, my friends, is why I'm a giant bug-loving nerd.

Oh, and if you get the chance, the Planet Earth segment about the cicadas makes me smile.